Take the time to tell them why they can’t. Statements such as “Because I said so” or “Because I told you so” are not efficient in this situation as you aren’t giving them an appropriate reason instead of just saying no to children. This is important as it lets them come to peace with your decision, but also acknowledge their feelings as well.
“It’s expected to be disappointed, I would feel disappointed too.”
If they are angry or frustrated, they might need to expel some energy outside for a few minutes, take some deep breaths, do some colouring in to calm down or maybe even have a rest.
Once the boundaries have been set and your child is aware of your feelings, we also want to offer choices. For example, if they aren’t wanting to get dressed for the day, give them a few options and ask them to choose what they would like to wear. This gives your child a sense of independence and control in the situation.
We want to remind our children of their choices when they are challenging your boundaries. It’s important to keep consistent and follow through with expectations that have been made clear to them. Follow through with your consequences and reinforce their behaviour when they do respect your choice.
Modelling an appropriate behaviour can also be effective. For example, if they are patting the dog a little too aggressively, show them what to do by patting the dog softly and telling them what the dog likes.
If you are stressed in the situation, let your child know. Tell them “I am going outside for some fresh air for a few minutes, I’ll be back when I’m feeling better.” This shows your child how to respect other people’s boundaries as well as their own.
Learn how our team at Little Scholars handles saying no the children and other areas of concern. Contact us today.
Little Scholars Educator Holly says “Instead of saying “no” to running inside, we often say “Stop. What feet do we use inside?” Or “Do you think what you’re doing is a good choice?”.
If a child is jumping off furniture we get down to their level and ask them “What is the chair used for?” “A chair is for sitting on.”
Sometimes we have children who want to keep the tap on in the bathroom just to experiment with the water and its cause and effect. During these times we ask the children “What are the taps used for? “They are for washing our hands.” “I understand you might want to play with water and feel different textures, so how about we set up a fun water experience instead?” Something more appropriate and positive to redirect.
Empathising with children during challenging behaviors is so important. Children want to be heard and understood like us adults do. Providing children with appropriate suggestions and redirection is more positive and beneficial than just saying “no” all the time. It doesn’t always allow the children to critically think as to why are they doing what they’re doing and what they can do instead.
Finally, after more than two years of us Australians being grounded, state and international borders have opened up and we can finally get up in the sky and explore like Aussies are meant to do!
However, a trip with children may be even more daunting than it seemed a couple of years ago – dealing with masks, fears of illness, testing, increased stops, fewer route options available, journeys may be longer than usual, and when you have little ones, more time in airports and in the air is something you have to consider.
We have some ideas on how to prepare ahead, fill the time during the journey, and how to help little people deal with their first bouts of jet lag.
Airlines have to be alerted to travelling children, even if they’ll be sitting on laps ahead of time. If the baby hasn’t arrived yet when you book, book for only people who have names, then contact your airline to update them after the baby is born, they can add their names closer to check-in.
A great suggestion from Flight Centre is, for example, for a family of four people, try to block out the window seat and the aisle seat, leaving the middle seat empty, or both aisle seats if it’s a row of four and do the same for the row behind. The middle seats on a plane are generally the last seats to be filled and you can usually luck out with some space for the kids to sprawl out.
If your baby is sleeping a lot or still taking breast or bottle, the window seat is great to lean on. If your older child is quite active, an aisle seat may be easier to get in and out, especially for bathroom breaks.
If you’re hoping to bring car seats onboard, you may have to alert the airline of your intention to travel with a car seat onboard when you book your tickets, and check they’re on the approved list. While many larger planes offer bassinets, they’re often limited and may either need to be pre-booked or are offered on a first-come, first-served basis, so ask your airline.
Children’s meals are usually on offer, but like any special requirements with meals, they generally need to be booked with your tickets. Also, in-house entertainment is not always guaranteed free with the price of your seat, so ask ahead of time, and if you think movies or games will help your child pass the time, look into it ahead of time or plan on having your own device ready and stocked up with child-friendly goodies.
Since Covid-19 is still a reality, check before you go about vaccine, testing and mask requirements for everyone travelling both on the flights and at your destination.
If your child is old enough to comprehend what’s happening, it’s a good idea to talk to them about the trip ahead of time.
“Our five-year-old daughter Sloane is a little anxious about change, so when we have travelled overseas we discuss it in detail before we go,” according to Brent, general manager of The Scholars Group.
“We talk about what she can expect, and what fun and exciting things may happen during the journey and at the destination. We also talk about sleep patterns when she arrives, and depending on the time difference, how she may be a little more tired than usual and we will “try” and stay up to normal bedtime as soon as we can even if we have a little nap during transit. We prepare, prepare, prepare!”
You may remember a time when all you needed was a backpack to join you halfway around the world. Those days are pretty well over when you have children. Multiple suitcases, digital devices, comfort toys, snacks – it can feel extreme even if it’s domestic travel.
Most airlines offer early boarding for travellers with children. This can allow you extra time and space to settle children onboard but it also lengthens the amount of time spent in cabin confinement, so the choice is yours.
Dress your child in bright clothes so that they stand out in a crowd and if they’re old enough to understand, point out people they should talk to if they become separated from you and arrange an obvious meeting place they can look for if they can’t see you.
Get to the airport early so that your child can run around or play for a while.
Claire, operations support officer at Little Scholars, travelled to her home country of England with a one-year-old and was pregnant with her second.
“The best thing ever was dungarees! On the way over I found it hard to pick him up and juggle my bags,” Claire says. “On the way back I put him in a pair of dungarees and when needed I could scoop him up like a bag and walk with him. He loved it and would giggle madly as we walked along.”
Change your baby’s nappy right before boarding, because space is cramped inside plane toilets.
While generally, children under two are free or low-cost on most airlines, if you can afford the extra seat, it might be something to consider, especially for a long-haul flight, says Melanie, operations manager at Little Scholars, “Even though we didn’t have to book a seat for Harvey as he wasn’t quite two years old, we did anyway so we had some extra room,” she says. Everyone will be more comfortable with their own seats, especially parents who would otherwise be holding a child for hours into the journey, which can already be uncomfortable with limited legroom. An alternative might be to book rows with extra foot room, though keep in mind children aren’t allowed to sit in emergency rows.
Also, if you purchase a seat for your child, bringing his/her car seat is safer, but it can be a lot to lug with your child and carry-on all the way to and from your gate so you may consider renting a car seat at your destination.
If your baby is formula-fed, airlines will allow you to bring sterilised water, bottles and formula on board, so pack as much as you think you’ll need for the journey and some extra to cover any delays. Airport security may ask you to open the containers and taste the contents. If you’re travelling to other countries, it’s a good idea to bring enough formula for the entire trip, as formulas differ in each country, and a change could upset your baby.
Another suggestion is to bring a small, compact stroller that you take on board. It saves time at the luggage carousel and means you can hit the ground running when you land rather than having babies on your hip or dragging a slow-poke toddler behind while trying to catch your connection.
Take off and landing can be especially painful for little ears. For babies, offer a dummy, breastmilk or a bottle to help with ear pressure as the sucking motion can help pop their ears. For older children, having chewing gum or lollipops on hand can help them with the ear pressure on board.
When travelling with small babies or toilet-training toddlers, accidents can happen. Make sure to have extra clothing, nappies, or underwear for everyone, including parents, in your carry-on. Also include some zip-lock bags to keep any soiled clothing in. No one around you wants or needs to experience scents that may stick in the air. You also should consider bringing a changing pad, either one from your nappy bag or disposable ones, because there are no guarantees there will be changing tables on your flight. Melanie says bringing extra blankets in carry-ons can also help for extra comfort when plane pillows and blankets don’t quite do the trick.
Meals on planes for anyone aren’t often gourmet, but for picky eaters, they can be a hard no. As we mentioned above, you can often pre-book children’s meals if meals are on offer. But also, feeding little ones pre-flight, and having plenty of bring-your-own snacks available for them, can make things easier and cheaper. Plus meal service can be slow and patience may wane as time on board go by. Encourage your children to drink frequently to avoid dehydration. You can often find filtered water fountains near the gate, so bring refillable bottles so you’re not waiting on flight attendants to refill your glass.
Sleeping on planes is challenging at best for anyone.
“I travelled to Thailand when my son was four months and my stepdaughter was six. Our saviours were wraps for my son and the Love to Dream swaddle for sleep time in the bassinet provided by the plane,” according to Skye, an educator with our Yatala campus. By keeping sleep time routines and items as familiar as you can for your child, they may sleep more soundly. A wrap or carrier is also helpful for settling the baby while in flight. Just remember children have to come out of any carriers or the bassinet when the seatbelt light comes on.
For older children, it may be helpful to bring their pillow from home, as they’re more comfortable than the ones airlines hand out, and of course their favourite sleeping toy or blanket. If they sleep with noise, sometimes the plane’s hums may be enough, or using an app on your phone (that works in airplane mode) with earphones could do the trick.
Entertaining children on a long flight is another challenge you should be prepared for.
“My best tip is getting little trinkets/toys and wrapping them up for my daughter. I will give one to her as she needs it, so there’s something new and interesting to break up the time on the flight,” says Jaimie-Lee, enrolment officer at Little Scholars. “It could even be an old toy she doesn’t play with or has forgotten about.”
Jaimie-Lee also makes sure to stock up on no-mess activities such as paperback books, colouring books and pencils. It’s best to check big box stores such as Kmart, Big W or Spotlight, which often have great activity sets for children, she says.
“When I travelled with my then-four year old I brought mini magnetic boards games to play on the plane and colouring-in packs,” says Janice, who’s based in our Yatala campus. “I also talked to the online staff letting them know I was travelling as a single mum, and they really did look after me on the plane for my bathroom breaks.”
“I made [my daughter] a busy book, so each page had different activities such as Velcro’d matching game, buttons/clips, as well as reusable/wipeable books,” says Charlotte, area manager for Little Scholars. “As well as a different small game or fidget toy to open each hour.”
It’s unavoidable, especially if you’re travelling more than three time zones, but there are ways to deal with jet lag that will help the whole family. First, sleep when your baby or child sleeps. This is one of the most important tips to adhere to in order to cope with a jetlagged child. A rested mum or dad is necessary to deal with an overtired little one! The amount of sunlight we receive helps set our internal body clock, so have your children out in bright light (careful to avoid sunburn, of course!) as much as possible.
If possible, plan a journey that incorporates stopovers. By breaking a trip up into more manageable time-zone blocks, your child’s jetlag will be less severe and so will the disruption to family life. The added bonuses of longer stopovers are the opportunities to stretch legs, the ability to sleep in a proper bed (and therefore be more rested for the next part of the journey) and the opportunity to see somewhere new!
The direction of travel influences how your body responds to the time change, according to Flight Centre. When travelling east, you might try to keep your child up as late as possible so they go to bed closer to the destination travel time. When travelling west, your child may have trouble falling asleep that first night. Plan ahead for difficulties falling asleep – books, calming music, and once you get there maybe it’s a calming bath with relaxing scents. If possible, try to wake your child up at the local time the day after you arrive, even if they have had a late night.
Talk to your doctor beforehand about immunisations. Don’t forget hats, sunscreen and age-appropriate insect repellent. Take a medical kit containing items such as baby paracetamol, thermometer, anti-itching lotion, anti-nausea medications, oral rehydration preparation and bandaids.
When you’re limited with clothing options to what you’ve packed, and you have messy children, another idea is to bring a small bottle of laundry detergent to wash and dry their clothes in hotel bathrooms.
If you’re dreading the travel to your destination, change your perspective! Try to look at long travel as an opportunity to spend unrestricted special time with your children. Play eye-spy games, have them look for a certain colour or item among the other passengers, make up stories, these can all be great language-building activities too!
Life is full of big changes, everyone goes through a few in their lifetime, and some of these things are in our control and some aren’t. Knowing changes are coming, whether they’re positive or negative, isn’t always easy. As change happens, your routines are disrupted and suddenly you have to adapt as you are pushed further and further out of your comfort zone. For the little people in your life, generally, when a big change happens in their home, they have little control over what’s happening, may not even understand what or why something is happening, and it can be hard.
Some examples of these life changes affecting small children could be a new sibling, parents separating, losing a family member, moving to a new house or even a new city or town. While these changes affect everyone in the house, children don’t necessarily have the coping skills yet to deal with them. Children who are new to major life changes need extra support in addressing their feelings, understanding and adjusting to change, and learning new strategies and skills along the way. As their parent, even if you’re also dealing with these changes yourself, you have to find time for your children to support them through this change. They may be small, but their feelings matter just as much as everyone else’s.
If you can, give them time to prepare. Is Nana sick? Have a conversation with your children about what this could mean: her not being able to see them while she recovers. Maybe it means time in hospital and she may look different, or maybe it’ll be harder to touch her or talk to her, and maybe it means she may not survive. You may need to prepare yourself first about how you’ll have these kinds of hard conversations with them.
Is a new baby coming? Assure them this does not mean you will love them any less. Let them know that while a new baby may need more attention in the beginning, you’re always there for them and you will still have special time together. Many parents swear by having a special toy basket set up for when the baby needs to be fed, and putting these random, loose parts in the basket that can change regularly to keep them interested.
At our centres, we can arrange activities that help children understand the changes that may be happening at home.
For example, when it comes to a new sibling’s arrival:
“We have had a few new sibling arrivals, and with that we will set up some baby care stations with wraps, bottles, rattles, nappies clothes, etc,” says Skye, an educator at our Yatala campus. “We even do a little bath sensory activity, we read books on the arrival of babies at home and also find some songs about families,”
If you’re at a loss on where to start preparing, book stores and libraries these days have incredible selections of books for children to help them understand in age-appropriate ways big life changes that can affect them. Whatever the scenario, by giving them time to process and accept the change that’s coming, things may be easier when they actually do come. They may not offer up what’s happening in those busy minds and you may need to check in and ask them how they’re feeling or what they think. “I told you not long ago that Mummy and Daddy have to sell the house because we have to move to another city. What are some of the things that come to mind when you think about not living here anymore?”
Take time to listen to their concerns. Be ready to answer questions (and for most children, there will be more and more questions!) and know these questions may come up at what seems to be random times, but that goes to show they internalise change and are trying to process it maybe even more than you think! Say something like, “Moving to a new place can feel sad and scary. It’s okay to feel that way. Let’s take some deep breaths. We can get through it together.”
You may need to help them identify what their feelings are and explain what they mean: emotions such as feeling anxious, sad, scared, excited, and nervous are normal feelings and won’t last forever, and also let them know that these are feelings grown-ups feel too.
Consistency and stability are just as important now as ever before. Bedtimes and mealtimes should remain consistent and are great times to connect as a family, even if the family dynamic is changing. The structure feels safe for children, so provide as much of it as possible to restore a sense of safety. Avoid a lot of big changes at once. Even if there’s a new baby coming, this may not be the time to move your child from cot to big bed if they’re already unsure of their feelings about not being your baby anymore. If Mummy and Daddy are going to live apart, help them set up their second bedroom similarly to the one they’ve known, and try to keep those routines the same, no matter what home they’re spending time in.
“When it comes to a family break, we always talk with parents encouraging them to keep the same routine at both houses, like toileting, comforters, for example,” Skye says.
Another thing that should remain consistent is your child’s relationship with you. Make sure your child knows that no matter what else changes, you aren’t going anywhere, and neither is the bond you have with your child. You are always there for them, even if it’s by phone when you can’t be beside them.
Set aside even 10 minutes each day to give your child your undivided attention. Make eye contact, put the phone away, and be playful and affectionate. This will be as good for you as it is your children. If your thing together is going for a walk together, keep doing it. Being cuddled up and reading books together is a wonderful way to maintain your bond. Do an activity together that your child enjoys, whether it’s video games or kicking a ball around, playing dolls or colouring together, you may be surprised with what they’ll remember long into the future about what their time with you meant. Try to remember that a little extra attention and parent-child time reassures your child that your love will stay consistent, making it much easier to cope with changes in other aspects of life.
Our relationships with our families are so important. We can and would like to help! Talk to your educators or campus manager about what’s going on at home. Your educator may have noticed changes in your child’s behaviour or emotions already, which has given them the heads-up something is different.
“How I notice when children are going through tough times or even have experienced a traumatic event is when they start ‘acting out,’” says Holly, an educator at our Stapylton campus. “Difficulties eating and sleeping than their usual, acting clingy more than usual, more tantrums, losing interest in activities they once enjoyed, they stop playing with their friends and aren’t socially interacting, drawings that are concerning about what is happening in their lives, regression with toileting and even going back to thumb sucking etc.”
By letting educators know what’s going on at home, they can help by ensuring your child has the attention he or she needs especially at this time, or they can help facilitate activities or learning exercises to support feelings your child may be experiencing.
“You definitely need to have built a strong and positive relationship with families in your centre, to ensure you can effectively work together,” Holly says. “Document children’s change of behaviour if you’re concerned and communicate with families about this. It also helps to provide strategies that you will implement at the centre as well as helping families with strategies for home.”
“We always give lots of extra cuddles and when we notice they are having a tough day, and encourage them to do some relaxing activities like laying on the cushions reading, playdough, sensory bottles, calming toys like fidget spinners, poppets, mini lava lamps, just things that give them some space and also some one-on-one time,” Skye says.
It’s our job to help ensure your child is spending their time with us in a warm, welcoming, supportive and caring environment in which she or he can grow socially, cognitively, emotionally, and physically, and we’re here to support your entire family. We have an open-door policy, and you’re very welcome to call or come in to talk as much as you need.
Why do our children sometimes express some big bursts of negative moods after they come home from a seemingly fun day at childcare? This could be due to after school restraint collapse. Meanwhile, you expect them to come home happy and excited to tell you all about their day of crafts, books, playtime and outings, after all, you often get reports that your child was an angel all day. But when he or she comes home, that angel seems to have taken those wings and flown away, being replaced with something not so angelic.
Some child experts call it ‘after school restraint collapse’, and it seems to happen because children hold it together all day in childcare. Children use a lot of energy being well-behaved, following direction, sitting still, retaining information, and all of this without their primary attachment figures, their parents/caregivers. It can also simply be that some children meltdown because they are tired or overstimulated. Wanting to learn more about Little Scholars and how we deal with these big emotions? Contact us today.
This leaves your child’s best opportunity to release their emotions when they get to a safe place, their home. Those emotions can take the shape of crying fits, whining, screaming, disrespect or physically acting out to parents or siblings.
“I always say to parents, ‘do you have a best friend, someone you let all your emotions out when you see them? You are this to your child and when they see you after a big, busy day at Kindy, it all comes out,’” says Libby Kissell, a lead educator with our Redland Bay South campus.
“Rest assured they had an amazing day, but they let it all out when they see you because YOU are their person, their safe zone.”
Young children haven’t yet developed the essential brain wiring or had the necessary life experience to be able to calm themselves down from big feeling states, which is why they experience such frequent meltdowns. They know they can do this at home because they’re in a place where they’re loved and supported.
Your child is loved and supported by our team at Little Scholars, talk to us if you’re struggling and we can think and discuss how to make things easier for your little one.
“As an adult, we come home from a big day at work and we just want time to ourselves to zone out and not have to think,” says Holly Medbury, an educator from our Stapylton campus.
“We might even get annoyed if people want our attention, kids feel the same, but often have difficulty expressing it. Children are little people with big emotions, they too need some time to ‘chill out’ or a friend to be there and hug, with no expectations. It’s just reassurance for parents out there that they are doing an amazing job and providing useful strategies to help children cope with their big emotions.”
You can send them to their centre with a comfort toy or blanket that they can reach for when they need it. You could also send them with a picture of their family, or a note in their bag telling them how proud you are of them and how much you love them
Spend an extra five to 10 minutes with them before they start their day at Little Scholars. Just a few connected minutes with your child can make a significant difference in their day
Have a conversation with them on the way to childcare or when you get to their centre that focuses on what they can look forward to after you pick them up later, maybe that conversation looks like, ‘When I come to get you, would you like to go to the park or go pick out some new books to read at the library?’
Bring a snack for the trip home, sometimes hunger can be distracting for them and can stir up emotions.
When you pick them up, maybe all they need is a big reassuring hug. Maybe they need quiet. Maybe they’d like to tune out to some music they enjoy for a few minutes. Maybe they need to relax on a park bench or burn some energy at the playground. Follow their lead and take some time before asking questions about their day.
Again, feel free to talk to your educators about what’s happening at home. We have an open-door policy and we’re here for you. Your child’s educators, after spending time with your little one, may have specific ideas on how to help your child or can try to dedicate some quality time with your child to help them relax and feel cared for.
By understanding a little better why there are strong feelings coming from your child after a day of childcare, you are better armed to handle after school restraint collapse or even moderate reactions before their start.
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Are you a parent racking your brain trying to figure out how to get your little one to stop hitting, biting, or pushing other people?
The good news is, it’s really common. The bad news for you is, it’s still your child doing it and you have to deal with it.
For babies, this is a way to explore the world through cause and effect. Besides teething, babies bite to see what you’ll do. If you laugh, they might try it again to get the same reaction. If you get mad, that baby might be fascinated by your reaction, not quite understanding facial reactions and meaning.
For toddlers, they may have seen other children do it. They might do it because they’re angry, upset, hurt or excited and don’t have the means to express it differently.
Both babies and toddlers could be pushing, biting or hitting because they feel overwhelmed, bored, overtired or hungry.
No matter why your child is doing it, it can be frustrating and embarrassing for parents. But know that it’s not about you. It’s not your failure as a parent. When we think our child’s behaviour with us is a reflection on ourselves, we bring a lot of baggage with our response.
Now’s the time to manage it calmly.
“I like to explain to parents that these kinds of behaviours aren’t usually appropriate, but are age-appropriate and can come from a place of frustration in children,’ says Claire, an educator at our Nerang Campus.
“Biting is common around the age where children are beginning to learn how to talk and can’t quite get the words out and are frustrated.”
It is important to ensure when you are guiding a child’s behaviour to label the behaviour and not the child, Claire says. Telling them they’re being bad or naughty isn’t effective, and it isn’t likely to change the behaviour. Remember, every child is good. They are learning everything, including regulating and dealing with emotions and impulse control.
Claire also recommends not projecting your own feelings about your child’s negative behaviour. For example, try not to make statements like ‘Stop it, you’re making Mummy sad’ or ‘Look what you did!’ Try to remember that your child is learning empathy, so putting shame or guilt on their actions won’t fix the negative actions.
So how do you respond?
Stay calm. Your emotions can set the tone for how to bring down a heightened moment. By yelling or immediately punishing, you’re giving that undesirable behaviour attention. It’s also modelling explosive reactions, like what you as a parent are trying to adjust.
A calm, firm response could look like ‘Hitting/Biting/Pushing is never OK. I won’t let you hurt your brother.’ If the behaviour continues, a follow-up ‘I’ll move your brother over here to keep everyone safe.’
This sets and actions the boundary for behaviour. Once everyone is calmed down, that’s a better opportunity to teach coping skills, according to Sarah, an educator in our Senior Kindy studio from Deception Bay.
“Calm approach, sometimes for the older children, they need that time to themselves let them have their rage in a safe way, of course. There is no point in trying to get them to calm down when they are in the state they are in. It’s best to wait and then talk to them once they are ready,” she says.
If you feel your child is old enough to have a conversation about what happened, you could follow with, ‘You seem to have a hard time not pushing, I wonder why that is?’ If they tell you what/who is bothering them, you could tell/make up a similar story and tell them how you handled it. By modelling a response to a negative feeling, parents can help children understand and regulate their emotions.
Brooke, a Schoolies educator also at our Deception Bay campus also suggests asking the child what they need in that time can help.
“Every child is different and an approach that will work with one might not necessarily work for another or might not work every time which makes things difficult,” Brooke says. “I feel like asking the children what they need in that time is a big thing in diffusing a situation, because some children could want the space, where others may need a hug to feel safe and secure.”
Hayley, an educator also at Deception Bay in our toddler studio, agrees how the situation is dealt with is not a one-size-fits-all approach.
“I would say it would depend on the situation, age group and other factors,” Hayley says. “If it’s a child that’s not going to stop, I would then definitely redirect either to a different activity or to someone that they feel more comfortable with. For example, say it’s a child from the Senior Kindy room who’s just moved up to the Kindergarten room, you could ask them, ‘hey would you like to go see (previous educator)?’ if they say yes, it removes them from the situation, and it’s the child’s choice too.”
“I also like to give them a choice when redirecting so, ‘hey I know you’re frustrated, would you like to go run outside or do you want to do some painting?”
Some experts also recommend trying to fight the impulse to force your child to apologise. Children need to focus on learning to regulate those emotions, if you’re asking more of the child by forcing an apology, it’s likely to make them more frustrated or ashamed, and they won’t do what you’re asking, and certainly won’t feel like they’re being seen. They will learn apologies in time, but we don’t want them to think ‘when I’m sad I should say sorry’ but rather ‘when I’m sad I should think about what made me sad, take deep breaths, count to 10.’
However, it’s still important for your child to understand that other people have feelings too, so you could say, rather than forcing an apology, ‘Let’s see how we can make him feel better.” By involving your child in the resolution rather than ordering them to do something, you’ll likely see better results.
“Praise your children when they are doing something positive, even on the days it feels like all they have done is bite or hit,” Claire adds. “Soon enough they will be chasing the positive reinforcement and be replacing the negative behaviours with more positives.”
Guiding positive behaviour is a goal of Little Scholars by creating a safe environment for the children within our studios.
“This is guided by John Bowlby’s attachment theory,” explains Chloe, an educational lead at our Redland Bay South campus. Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life.
“Every morning upon arrival, we create a warm welcome space for the children to be dropped off to. Once the children feel a sense of belonging within their learning environment, they are able to venture off and participate in the day’s learning.
“Respect and care are important parts of our day-to-day curriculum and is embedded in our learning by educating the children on their emotions identifying how they feel through use of conversation and cues, and guiding them in strategies that can assist with the way they are feeling,” she continues. “With these embedded practices, it helps to eliminate those rough behaviours.”
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Sadly, losing a pregnancy is a heartbreak many Australian families experience at least once in their lives. In fact, up to one in five pregnancies end in miscarriage or the loss of a child. When that loss happens, emotions can range from sadness, depression, anxiety, anger, and confusion. These feelings are not only limited to the parents but the whole family.
Even as their parent, it can be hard to figure out how to talk to your children about the loss of a baby, especially as you process your own feelings about it. How that talk happens will likely depend on your child’s age, developmental level, and temperament.
Even if they hadn’t been told about the pregnancy, your child may have the sense something sad has happened. How you handle this is up to you. This may be the time where you tell them what happened, or perhaps it’s something like ‘Mummy and Daddy are feeling sad, but don’t worry, we’ll be okay and nothing we feel takes away from how much we love you.’
If your child has been told about the pregnancy, use words and concepts that they can easily understand. For example, the word miscarriage isn’t a term many young children would recognise. Additionally, toddlers and preschoolers also may not understand a phrase like pass away, so try to steer clear of euphemisms and cliches.
You may choose to explain that the baby was sick and couldn’t live outside of Mummy’s belly. Or that while your child grew strong and healthy in Mummy’s belly, you don’t know why but this baby did not. Remind your child what happened was no one’s fault, and nothing could’ve changed what happened.
Tell your child there’s no shame in showing emotion. If you get upset while talking to your child, you could explain it by saying something like ‘Mummy was crying today because she’s sad about the baby,’ or ‘Daddy was frustrated today because there was nothing he could do for the baby.’ Children are better at ‘reading the room’ than you think. They can pick up on the emotions of the grownups around them and their behavior might shift – try to be patient and understanding while they process their feelings.
Remind your children that it’s something hard that’s happened to the family, and it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused or any other emotions they may be feeling. Sharing how you feel demonstrates healthy coping skills, a valuable life-long skill for your child. Don’t be afraid to ask your child for a hug if you need one, they may like to know they can comfort you too.
Ask your child if they have any questions about what happened, they may have lots or may not say much at all. Give your child time to process what they’ve just heard and remind them that you’re always there if they have questions later or just want to talk. Offer coping strategies if that might work, either through conversations, books to read, art, or through play.
Check-in with them after a few hours or a few days. Once they’ve had some time to sit with the news, there may be follow-up discussions to have and let them know that’s okay. Encourage them to talk about it with you or someone they trust. If you’re comfortable let your child’s educator know there’s been a loss in the family or some changes at home, this allows your child’s educator to support them and to expect changes in behaviour and will ensure they can help your child navigate their emotions while in their care.
Depending on your culture or religion, you may want to host a grief ritual following a pregnancy loss, anything from a funeral to planting a tree in the baby’s honour. Invite your child to participate.
Don’t forget to look after yourself. Take time to grieve and to heal. It can be hard when you have other family members to look after, but it’s important for the whole family that Mummy or Daddy’s mental health is looked after. Do whatever self-care means to you. Take a bath, take a walk, embrace your emotions through writing or art. Talk to your partner, a friend or family member, a professional, or someone you may know who has gone through something similar. There are groups on Facebook or even hashtags to follow on Instagram or TikTok if those are spaces that work for you.
Finally, keep in mind a child’s grief can look very different from your grief, as well as how they deal with that grief. Let your child know they’re loved, there was nothing they did or didn’t do that could have changed the outcome, and that you’re here for them in whatever way they need you to be.
Becoming a foster parent is not all rainbows and butterflies, it is a wholehearted decision which requires dedication and effort. It is a commitment that you choose and one that can helps provide a safe and caring environment for children and young people in our community. As a foster parent there are incredible opportunities presented in so many different forms, however, it is vital you have an insight into what is involved in becoming a foster parent so that you feel totally equipped and prepared for your journey.
What we are going to share with you is all based from personal experiences from our regional manager, Skye Ible, and we know many of you who are looking to foster a child or are in the process currently will be able to relate to Skye’s experiences entirely.
If you are not aware, becoming a foster parent is a lengthy and complex process, but if you are aware of that before going into your application, it will take away the overwhelming feelings of wow, this is a lot to take in. Do not let the complex application haunt you, we have been told that once you find the right organisation that fits right with you, you will have endless support from the agency, and this will impact your fostering experience in a tremendously positive way.
It is helpful you know there are expectations that the agency will require of you when you start your application. You will be asked to attend an initial training – these are normally at night and then at nigh- time you are given workbooks to complete in the comfort of your home. There are also safety checklists you need to complete of your home environment, as well as making the necessary changes if needed. The support workers will visit your home for an assessment, and it is vital you are prepared to talk about everything from throughout your life which entails good and bad from childhood until present. It is super important to go through this assessment period as the agencies need to know if the children are going into a safe and supportive environment, and if you have children of your own or a partner, they will always assess whether your child can handle the fostering of other children.
The foster agency will always ask for at least two references to contact and if you are approved, they will call within 24 hours offering you a child. One piece of advice from talking with our own foster parent is, to be prepared and compile a list of questions ready to talk through with your support person just so you can decide if the child is a suitable match for your family. Do not be afraid to speak up if the placement isn’t working as it is about the foster child’s needs as well as your own, and most of the time there will always be another family out there suited to this child.
During the journey of being a new foster parent, keep in mind that some children crave love and attention but don’t always know how to ask for it. Some children may say ‘ I love you’ or call you ‘mum or dad’ within a few months and some might not feel comfortable letting another person in. All you can do is remind yourself that this child has gone through more than imaginable, and all you can do is open up your hearts and home to show them that they are loved and safe. If you have a strong family unit and strong support system in place, this will help you get through any hick ups that come up along the way.
Whether you are a single person, married, same sex or dating you are eligible to foster a child but remember you must have a spare room in your home to allow for privacy for the child, and everyone must attend a training session as a requirement of being a foster parent. Life is to be lived to the fullest and knowing that a child’s life can be lived to their fullest with another person’s love, devotion and care is nothing short of extraordinary, so we truly commend all the amazing families who do everything in their will to make sure these children are given a second chance at life.
Thank you so much to Skye for sharing such personal and incredible insights with us, you are an inspiration to us all. Every child deserves a chance at a better life.
If you want to find out more about becoming a foster parent within Queensland, please refer to the resources shared with us below.
“So overall my wants, my wishes, my dreams, my hopes and ambitions of my two little people are that they are happy. simply happy ..”
– Ashley
In 2036 your 2 year old will be 18 and your 4 year old will be 20… What does this world look like for you and your child?
I was asked an important question about what I see for my children in the future. it’s funny how one simple question can bring up so much emotion surrounding what the future holds for my child. When you live in a time that is changing so much , it’s tough to think about what their little futures hold, will time heal the world or will it damage the world further!
The world is forever changing, as are the directions we choose to go. What are my hopes and dreams for them ?, Well that question is simple to answer, yet I feel the need to elaborate on what I truly want, see, hope and dream of.
I hope for happiness and health, for love and wellbeing. I hope that life is fair to them, That they surround themselves with people who see their worth, men that respect them, friends that cherish them, and work jobs that inspire them to be the best they can be, whilst fulfilling their inner strengths. I hope they dream of all the possibilities and ways they can contribute to changing the world, and work to fulfil their own dreams and ambitions along the way. I hope that they give to the world and never expect anything in return. I hope they be kind to the older generation, understanding of the disabled, lend a hand to the poor and be fulfilled in knowing they made a difference. I Dream of a world for them where there is no fear in being you, if your gay be gay, if you want pink hair, dye it pink. if you want to own 50 dogs then invite me over to play with them.
As for dreams. Dreams are dreams. Most of the time they are things we know we can never achieve yet spend a life trying to. I dream of world peace, call me Mrs. universe. I dream for them that they live in a safe world, As a parent you want to protect them from harm, from bad, I dream that I won’t need to, that they will never endure the worst of what is out there.
Let’s talk skills and Qualities, I believe both my children have a bright fire in their soul, one full of passion, cheekiness, creativity and love. If I could see them be anything I’d want them to be what I am and more. I may not have had the best education, be the sharpest tool in the shed, but my values , my skills, and qualities all surround CARE. I want my girls to be carers, nurses, doctors, disability workers, counsellors, great mothers, wives. I want them to CARE for people, because caring for someone is such a selfless act. My favourite memory behind my skills of caring is of a dear old lady Maybe, I spent more time than allocated, doing her hair, dressing her in her finest clothes, putting her in her favourite position in the dining room of the nursing home. Id paint her nails, read her books, drink cups of tea with her on my tea break, all because seeing her happy made me feel that the skill of caring was where I was meant to be the day she died she took part of my soul with her. If my children want to be scientist, designers work in the supermarket stacking shelves, then ill support them with their growth, As long as what drives them is caring about the people they work with or for. I could sit here and tell you I want my girls to be CEOs, be rich, be famous, but in my eyes money doesn’t make you happy, okay it makes life easier But happiness comes from being surrounded by health, love and other caring people, by all means if you can achieve the above and be fulfilled in all aspects of your life and be happy along the way, then be my guest , I’d love a cabana on the water in the Maldives when you’re rich enough to afford it.
So overall my wants, my wishes, my dreams, my hopes and ambitions of my two little people are that they are happy. Simply happy.
Love Ashley
Little Scholars mum
No matter your age, communication is an important skill. For pre-schoolers though, their ability to communicate and listen to instructions is a steep learning curve in their development. At times, it can be frustrating if an adult can’t understand what the child is saying or the child can’t use words to share what they mean. Learning effective communication is a crucial part of child development. During the preschool years, a child will have enough vocabulary to engage in simple conversations as well as share how they feel. To encourage positive communication with children, here are some powerful tips.
A preschool child will either share in detail what they know when re-sharing a story or they may only give basic information about the event. To keep the lines of communication open between a child and adult, rather than listen to respond, listen to understand. Your child wants to know you understand them, no matter how significant or insignificant the event may seem to you. It’s important that children feel free to speak as this can build their confidence and esteem when communicating. This can also be foundational to future conversations as the child gets older.
To help children feel more comfortable when communicating with you, bend so that you are at their eye level. This proactively shows you are listening to what they are saying and are paying attention. It also builds the connection between adults and children.
There will be times when challenging behaviour by the child will need to be addressed but it is important to deliver negative feedback in a way that leaves the child with a positive outlook. This is important for a child to experience as it prepares them for how they manage negative conversations in the future. Bending and speaking calmly to a child about their behaviour can help the child feel less intimidated so they can comprehend what is being said to them. Giving them some gentle guidance about how they could make a better choice next time helps them to feel positive about the interaction.
Communication is developed through expressing how one feels. When a child opens up about how they feel, they want to be acknowledged. Don’t dismiss what they share by saying ‘stop crying’, or ‘you’re being silly’. These can make the child feel invalidated and is a surefire way for them to conceal how they feel in the future. Crying is a human emotion and to a child, whatever they’re upset about is important to them. We want children to feel comfortable sharing their feelings and emotions. ‘It seems like you’re feeling really _____, that must feel hard.’
You could also show you’re curious about their emotions, which may open up the communication with your child. “You seem mad, I wonder why you’re feeling mad at mummy?’
Keep the lines of communication open by offering empathy. Respond with something like, ‘I want you to know you can share anything with me, I will love you no matter what. I’m here for you.’ This will help them share how they feel with no fear of judgement so they don’t feel unheard or misunderstood.
Children can say and do things that can provoke an emotional response from you. Positive communication with children relies a lot on how you control your emotions. Refrain from saying words that you may regret later. Control strong outbursts and try to remain calm – especially when bad behaviour occurs. Counting to 10 before responding to a child can be a great way to help diffuse emotions, before speaking them out.
When talking to children, be clear with instructions and confident when delivering them. If a child can sense a lack of confidence in the way you speak to them, they will often do the opposite of what has been asked. The delivery of communication is important for mutual respect to occur.
The best way for your child to understand positive communication skills is to practice them! Whether it’s talking about a book you’re reading together, or role playing as you play together, there are lots of subtle activities to help your child improve his or her communications in a positive way.
The way you speak to children not only reflects your character, but also leads by example. Children will imitate the behaviour they see. Be assertive when communicating, so your child can learn to be assertive when communicating with others.
At Little Scholars, we pride ourselves on maintaining respectful and positive communication with children at all times. Discover how we can help your little one express their full potential. Contact Us.
Toddler Biting and Tatrums
When we see your toddler throwing an epic tantrum, don’t be embarrassed and don’t worry, we’re not judging you, we’re simply wishing you wine and silence. You might feel like a bad parent when you discover your toddler hitting and biting but it’s a completely normal part of development between the ages of two and three, even as young as 12 months and as late as four years. Rest assured, your child did not invent toddler tantrums! During this stage, we really have to put ourselves in a toddler’s shoes to help them deal with emotions that even some grown adults can find complex to deal with.
Up to about the age of three, toddler tantrums are the result of a child’s inability to communicate how they feel and therefore, they show their emotions through actions like biting, hitting and scratching.
Here’s how we are going to help your toddler change their behaviour and how you can implement the same at home.
When a toddler bites, hits, scratches or throws things, it’s usually because they’re not getting what they want, whether that thing is reasonable or not. Firstly, we consider whether they are tired, worried, feeling unwell, hungry or stressed because it’s when they’re feeling one or more of these things that the behaviour is the worst. Addressing these issues most often resolves the tantrum behaviour.
It’s very important for a parent or educator to remain as calm as possible during a toddler tantrum. As overwhelming as it can be, we get down to their level, take a deep breath and help them use their words. If they lash out with biting, hitting or scratching behaviours, we hold their hands firmly yet gently and remind them that we do not hit/bite/pinch here.
When a toddler becomes so overwhelmed by emotion, it can be embarrassing for them which is why we find it a good idea to take them into a private and calming space away from others where we can talk to them without distractions.
When a child feels powerless, it’s important to give them the space, opportunity and encouragement to use words to express how they are feeling.
20 to 30 minutes after the tantrum has died down, we find it beneficial to have a short chat with the toddler to see if they can explain how they are feeling. It’s often during this time, after the overwhelm has gone, that we discover the real reason for the outburst.
Adequate stimulation is essential for toddler health and behaviour. We ensure there are always different engaging activities, lots of opportunities for play and a set routine. In the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners Journal Daniels & Luthy (2012) support the need for having a routine as much as possible. It not only helps the child to know what to expect but also reduces the chance of tantrum because, as previously mentioned, tantrums are worse when children are tired or hungry. At Little Scholars, we have the Little Scholars App which gives parents an insight into their child’s day so they can continue on with the same eating and sleep routine at home.
Don’t let your toddler tantrums, toddler hitting or toddler biting hold your child back from attending childcare. We’re here to support your child’s development in every way we can, it’s all part of the parenting journey.
Let us hold your hand and help looking for a child care centre. Leave your details with us and we’ll be in contact to arrange a time for a ‘Campus Tour’ and we will answer any questions you might have!
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Let us hold your hand and help looking for a child care centre. Leave your details with us and we’ll be in contact to arrange a time for a ‘Campus Tour’ and we will answer any questions you might have!
"*" indicates required fields
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